Peace is Created, Not Found
How often do we surrender our peace and authenticity to others? Do not compromise the peace that you have built within, no matter how tempting.
Nothing and No One Is Worth Losing Yourself For
“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself” – Mark Twain. When exploring the concept of losing oneself, it is important to clarify that this is not about acting impulsively when someone irritates you or becoming emotionally triggered during an argument. While these behaviors can also cause a person to step out of character, they are not the focus of this section. We will address them in the following one. In this context, losing yourself refers to losing touch with your core identity. It is essential to recognize that nothing—no person, place, or thing—is worth the sacrifice of your true self.
This topic is important to me because there was a time when I was willing to compromise my identity in the pursuit of what I wanted; I am not unique in this experience. It often begins with small insignificant actions—subtle changes that may go unnoticed but gradually it starts to shift one’s identity. Losing oneself can appear in various forms. For example, it could look like a teenager changing their appearance or altering the way they speak to be accepted by a popular group. It can also manifest in relationships, where someone might compromise their own beliefs or wants to receive love from another person. In some cases, the desire for parental approval might lead one to agree to things they do not believe in. It could even appear in a career, where decisions or actions are made that go against core values in the pursuit of success or recognition.
Someone once asked me if I loved working in Human Resources. The truth is, I love being good at what I do. I take pride in my abilities, and where I lack the knowledge, I am willing to learn. However, what has truly kept me in this field is not the work itself, but the companies I have worked for and the people I have worked with. I have chosen to work for organizations whose purpose aligns with my own, and I have had the privilege of reporting to managers who genuinely care for people—a value that mirrors my own. The organizations and leaders I have worked with have allowed me to stay true to myself, without the need to compromise. While I have not lost myself in my career, there have been times when I have lost myself for a relationship, for a friendship, or in the pursuit of a material thing. I have compromised who I was in exchange for something I thought I wanted.
Let me make this clear—it is never worth it. You have fought too hard, endured too much, and put in too much time and effort to become the person you are today. You have faced hardships, navigated through pain, and worked tirelessly to shape yourself into someone you can stand proud of, someone you can truly respect and love. All the blood, sweat, and tears you have poured into your growth is not something to be sacrificed for anyone or anything. To do so would be dishonorable to yourself.
Losing yourself means you will inevitably have to find yourself again—and that journey is nothing short of terrifying. The process of rediscovering who you truly are, rebuilding your confidence, and reconnecting with your sense of self is deeply challenging. It does not happen overnight, just as losing yourself does not happen in an instant. Much like the slow erosion of your identity, the path back to your true self begins with small, often unnoticed decisions—like choosing to speak up when fear urges you to stay silent, saying "no" when your people-pleasing nature pushes you to say "yes," or standing firm in your values when everything inside you longs for approval or recognition.
If you do not make those small but critical choices, you risk continuing to lose yourself. And here is the truth: if you are not ready to do the work now to stay true to your identity, it will still happen—it is only a matter of when. Your spirit will keep pulling you back to the same place, longing for the return to yourself. It is only when you are deeply tired of ignoring your own needs, your own values, and your own truth, that you will be ready to shift your behavior and reclaim your life. Eventually, you will return. No matter how far you have wandered, you will always come back to who you are. Even if others cannot see it, you will. Deep down, we are all souls inhabiting human bodies, and no matter how lost you may feel, your soul can never stray too far from its true center.
You Are the Architect of Your Peace
"Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions" - Pema Chodron. If you had asked me what I desired most at the end of 2023, it would have been peace. I longed for it with everything in me. I kept telling myself, “Once this, that or the other happens, I’ll have peace.” “I just need to get through this and then everything will be okay.” But then, an elder of mine told me something that changed everything, “you create your peace.” At first, I understood what he meant but I did not know how to apply it. How could I create peace when there were relational strains, financial uncertainties, and external forces beyond my control? How could I create peace when it felt like everything falling apart was not in my power to change?
It took weeks of quiet reflection before I saw it clearly, the answer was embedded in the very question I had been asking myself: “I have no control.” This realization brought to mind something my first corporate manager once told me when I was frustrated with a work-related issue: “There are two categories, the controllable and the uncontrollable. Ask yourself which category this problem falls into.” There are aspects of life beyond our control—whether it is the loss of a job, being treated unjustly or unfairly by others, or how people perceive us. These uncontrollable moments are not ours to change. What we can control is how we choose to react. It is in our reactions—how we handle life’s challenges—that we shape our peace.
We are the architects of our peace. We create the environments we inhabit. We decide who we allow into our lives. We choose how to respond to those who harm us. We choose to stay true to our character, even when the world tests us.
Yes, some challenges stretch us to the limit, demanding more patience and self-control than we ever thought possible. But every moment is an opportunity to ask ourselves: Will I be proud of the decision I make today? When faced with a difficult situation, will I look back with regret? Will I wish I had responded differently? If the answer is yes, then that is a signal to pause before reacting—to reflect before speaking or acting, to ensure that we do not give a person, place, or thing power over our peace.
We have free will. If we are not at peace, it is because we have chosen, consciously or unconsciously, to surrender that peace to another. The power to choose is always in our hands. Choose differently. In the end, peace is not something we wait for or hope to find. It is something we create, moment by moment, through the choices we make. You are the architect, what will you build?